Bioshock announced for phones, gamers let out collective groan


hoNEqEb2K Games have announced that Bioshock, the seminal 2007 FPS, is being ported down to the latest generations of iPhone and iPad. Once the mobile gaming community stopped organizing the stack of paperwork at their desks or waiting at the bus stop, they cheered! Immediately after that, they loaded up Candy Crush and spent $100,000 collectively on gems, raspberries or whatever else it is you buy in that game. The remainder of the gaming public were struck with abject confusion as to who the target audience for such a port was. I personally can attest to attempting to properly play an FPS using a touchscreen, and it’s basically the same as attempting to knock over glass bottles at a carnival by throwing jelly beans at them. Sure, it might work out eventually, but it takes a lot more effort than is really necessary when I’ve got these perfectly good baseballs right over here.

Some video footage of the game has also surfaced, showing the technically impressive cramming and downscaling that 2K had to do in order to fit the entire Xbox 360 game into a single app. Looking at Rapture’s reveal stripped of all its character and graphical prowess is a sad sight to anyone who played through the original on a capable machine. We probably shouldn’t be mad at such a cash grab, but handing this version of the game to a new generation of gamers is the same as introducing Looney Tunes to someone with Loonatics Unleashed, or showing an adult He-Man cartoons and trying to explain why they are amazing and not completely awful. Anyone’s first impression to a piece of media is everything. Hell, I still have a fondness for Digimon and would gladly sit through an episode of Gummi Bears if given the opportunity. A phone port of Bioshock will only serve to finish the job of diluting the franchise that the uneven Bioshock Infinite had already started.

Bioshock on iOS will be available later this summer. Civilization 5 on iOS continues to be nonexistent.