Crime is up in Quahog, and Peter and Lois are worried about raising their family in such a violent, lawless place. Which isn’t terrible different than how the town behaves most of the time. Like, in the MacFarlane-verse, how is Quahog not considered America’s shithole already? That’s neither here nor there, I guess.
Peter does something impulsive and buys a nice little farm out in the country. He’s got a fun little exchange with the current owner. Peter’s utterly bewildered when the farmer names an exorbitant price and Fox hasn’t taken care of it yet.
Because there needs to be a plot, Peter convinces the rest of the family that living on a farm is a great idea. I absolutely love Brian’s utter terror when he comes home to find the rest of the family telling him that he’s going to go live on a nice big farm upstate where he can run and be free. Just when you think every last joke has been wrung out of the “this dog thinks he’s people” premise…..
So, yeah. The Griffins unsurprisingly suck major shit at growing things, so Brian heads off to agricultural school to learn about……seeds and dirt and whatever. While he’s gone, a tornado drops by for a visit, another stop on his lonely journey to find someone who will love him, and the Griffins take shelter in the cellar, wherein they discover…….a meth lab.
As you can probably guess, “Farmer Guy” actually has very little to do with farming. Unless, of course, you mean FARMING METH. My mother grew up on a farm. Every morning she’d get up at the crack of pipe and help my grandfather with his chores. She’d go out to the chicken coop and see if they’d laid any meth the previous night. Then she’d go out and help plow the fields with a giant razor. She’d water the seedlings with care, in the hopes that one day they’d bloom into beautiful meth trees. Then she’d sob and contemplate running that giant razor across her wrist because all the other kids got to watch Gilligan’s Island IN COLOR.
I’ve gone to a farm before, too. I milked a cow. It tried to pee on me. I no longer feel bad for eating that particular species.
Peter and the kids take to cooking up and selling meth because there’s no other way to keep them afloat financially, and also because Bryan Cranston said it was cool. Lois takes some convincing, but eventually she’s on board too and the Griffins become local meth kingpins, making money off the citizens of Quahog hand over fist.
Peter slips deeper and deeper into paranoia, buying a bunch of rottweilers, boarding up windows, and letting the house go to shit. Most of the drug humor throughout the back half of the episode doesn’t really do it for me. It’s not really saying anything clever about meth or looking at it from an absurd angle, it’s just the episode going, hey guys! Drugs! People doing drugs! HA!
Brian comes back from school understandably wee bit vexed as to what’s become of the place. He points out that they left because of crime in the city, and now they’ve become the cause of it! Oh, now the show is on the other foot. What a turn of events. Who could have seen it coming?
Lois gets everyone to pack their shit and go home, just as the meth lab explodes. Once everything’s back to normal, we’re told that the moral of the story is that if your community is having problems, you shouldn’t run away, but rather stay put and help solve them. That might sound okay on paper but in practice it’s pretty fucking ridiculous, frankly. If you’re a family with three children and your neighborhood suddenly becomes full of violent crime, with roving bands of meth zombies trying to break into your house and eat your face, leave. Just go. That’s what police and urban outreach and idealist volunteers are for. Cripes. Unless you’re Glenn Close, wanting to help clean up the ghetto doesn’t mean you have to go live there.
“Farmer Guy” is another solid outing with some really funny moments. Unfortunately the episode ultimately winds up feeling uneven because they’re almost all front-loaded, while the back half just coasts on fumes. Meth fumes.