I need to have a little chat you, random Internet readers. Apparently, there was a little issue regarding Felicia Day’s decision to cut her hair and I need to set a few things straight. First off, if you don’t know who Felicia Day is, don’t care that she cut her hair you’re free to go. Seriously, go read another article on this fine website, go take a walk, play a video game–anything else will do. You can read on if you want, but this is really for the people who took issue with another human being’s decision about their hair.
Okay, so those people are gone? Good. Now I’m just talking to the people who I think need a little life coaching.
Shut the fuck up.
Now I know that seems harsh. I mean, why am I telling you to shut up? You are certainly allowed to have your opinion. I’m totally for you having personal preferences. You can like long hair, short hair, red hair, mullets, shaved heads, whatever you want. I’m happy for you. The world is just chock full of people who will meet your personal preferences when it comes to style, beauty, or whatever. However, when a person, who is not you, makes a decision on what they look like–it is absolutely none of your business.
Again, you can be less or more attracted to them because of their decision. Frankly, you can think whatever the fuck you want because I’m not here to be the thought police. I’m just here to tell you to shut up. Seriously. Shut up. Stop feeling the need to voice your opinion about shit that doesn’t matter. There are a billion issues that you can spout your opinion about all over YouTube, Reddit, or wherever else you’d like. You can talk about human rights violations, that giraffe they murdered in Copenhagen or you can discuss whether or not you think ghosts exist (Protip: They don’t). Those are actual things you can discuss because they are topics that have some bearing on the world. Some person’s hair style is not among those topics.
I’m seriously tired of having to read sentences like this: “Male gamers responded in the most facepalm-worthy way possible: by circulating a before-and-after photo of Day that purported to show her flowing red locks.” I shouldn’t have to be reading that shit. Firstly, I am a male gamer and I didn’t know, nor did I care that she cut her hair. I didn’t not see the photo because it doesn’t matter to me.
Secondly, it makes everyone look bad. Not just male gamers, but men. Not just men, but human beings. Seriously, one woman out of billions of women cut her hair. Men and women cut their hair all the time. That is not news, that is just stupid fucking bullshit. The only way I would have ever known this woman cut her hair is if I watched something she was in and she had short hair, but no, the Internet had to throw a temper tantrum instead. Great, I get it–a bunch of you assholes had your jerk off fantasies “ruined” because a woman cut her hair, so you needed to start complaining to social media. How about instead of doing that, you just type in “Long red hair” into Pornhub and I guarantee you that you will find all the inspiration you will ever need.
What this comes down to is you need to stop giving a fuck about what random celebrities do, regardless if you like them or not. They have just as much right as you do when it comes to their personal appearance. Just because you watched a few seasons of The Guild doesn’t mean you have any right to freak out because Felicia Day wanted to try something new with her hair. People like to change their personal style once in a while. It happens, it’s life. You’ve probably done it like at least five times in your life, you former emo/hipster/prep/stoner/whatever and it’s fine. Sure, I may not like your handlebar mustache, army helmet, and monocle you sport while drinking PBR–but that’s your stupid life. Just because I think you look like a tool, doesn’t mean I’m going to find your Twitter profile and say you look ugly. You’re more than welcome to live your life the way you see fit and so do random celebrities. So the next time you get outraged someone you find attractive changes their appearance, don’t go on the Internet to complain, just take that person out of your jerk off scenarios and insert someone else. I promise you, not only do you look like a complete sexist asshole when you complain about someone’s hairstyle, but it also proves what an ugly, horrid person you are both inside and out.
Latest posts by Jared Brazil (see all)
- Cards Against Humanity Can Go Suck A Bigger Blacker Dick - June 21, 2014
- Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg to Direct ‘Console Wars’ - February 25, 2014
- “Bro Culture” Isn’t Hurting the Tech Industry, Generalizing Is - February 25, 2014
- Felicia Day’s Haircut and You: Shut the Hell Up - February 11, 2014
- A Heartfelt Thank You to Bill Nye - February 7, 2014