DUDE! What’s radicaler than radical? Is tubular more rad than gnarly? Doesn’t matter. HI! My name is Dr. Repeatski and I’ve been temporarily hired by Geekenstein to tell you about how playing Super Time Force is like getting shot in the face with a bullet made of pure awesome and sunglasses. Hot off the heels of Swords on Sworcery (I didn’t play it, but I heard it had a lot of green in it,) the guys over at Capy Games took a vacation from their MENSA meetings and ninjutsu lessons to bring you a game equivalent to eating a BBQ steak at a rock concert. It’s an excellent adventure where me and my band of time, space, soldier whatevers run around plastering the world with bullets to blow the CRAP out of those blounbot bastards who have taken over our world in the future past present whatever. Whatever. High adrenaline! High octane! High cholesterol! And all I can say is “it’s about… Time!”
Okay, enough talkies, we gotta get to the action. Running, shooting and blasting in all eight directions (because we couldn’t afford a eight barrel gun) is just the tip of what my team does. You see, we control time and space and space-time so you don’t have to worry so much. Yeah, shoot first, dodge later. We have the control to replay and overlay everything we’ve ever done or could do. Now THAT’S power. You see, if you’re smart, you can reverse time and send out a different you that does exactly what you just did. If that’s confusing, it’s only because it is, but you get used to it. Tough boss in your way? Blast him to bits, reverse time, blast him to bits again and repeat until you have a fleet of yourself through time Swiss cheesin’ your clunky foe in a matter of seconds. It also works if you die. Because dying is for quitters, and my team ain’t made of no quitters, you can reverse time and avoid death, but our capabilities are limited so down just keep the screw ups to a minimum. Unless the screw up is something awesome and explosive on which case, take lots of time photos!
You can travel all through time from the far future to the far past to the year 198x to whatever other random assortment of numbers that culminate into a date in time. But we got blasting to do and so don’t let canon and consequences turn you into a wuss. You can always pick up collectable like glarbs and shards to slow down time or increase your score or, as I like to call it, flawless ego. Or if you need to find some more rewinds, you can get those too, but they are sometimes tricky so use those time powers. I didn’t ditch the hottest girl at prom to go make a time machine just so you could refuse to use it! She was SO ready, dude!
So get out there; space, I mean. Maybe I mean time. Get back in time? I don’t know. But there’s lots of awesome to be had like boss fights and arenas and we can even hover pack out way through heaven blasting the faces off of cherubs if you want! Okay, so there’s some escort missions, but we made ’em AWESOME! Explosions!!! Don’t let that bring you down. Doing cool stuff and meeting cool people are what we do best! Yeah, I almost forgot, meet up with all sorts of weird ass, crazy ass characters to play as while you’re setting up to slow mo jump for the cameras. You’ll have to make sure you alter time so they don’t die, but if you do, they’ll join our band of, what I’m now calling, guardians of cool. I gotta go. I have sky diving lessons to go to.
I have no idea what just happened or how this review got past me, but I can’t seem to delete it. I might as well sum this up for people who actually think on human levels:
The high intensity gameplay and complex time traveling mechanics, make every level exciting and unique even if they take a while to get used to. Each level brings in new ideas and uses the time travel as a base to have them work. Hidden characters that double as time challenges to keep them alive are a great way to implement unlocks that feel like you’ve earned them and the attitude, personality and the constant references are, to put it lightly, insane. Super Time Force is a must have for XBOX One or XBOX 360 based solely on fun attitude alone. The great mechanics and control is just icing on the cake.
Dr. Repeatski’s score:
Actual, Normal Person Score: