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The Worst Movies of 2012

Worst of 2012 American Reunion

2012 was a year of fantastic movie theater going experiences. From Marvel’s The Avengers to Silver Linings Playbook and Django Unchained, audiences have been treated to some amazing spectacles of action, dialog, and special effects on the silver screen. But for every show stopping and Oscar worthy performances,  there are some horrible movies that audiences wish they could not only have their money returned,  but also that part of their life that they will never get back. Here is a list of the worst of the worst of 2012.

10) Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Let's face it, at least it wasn't Wicker Man part 2.

Let’s face it, at least it wasn’t Wicker Man part 2.

2012 was every comic book and superhero nerd’s wet dream. Marvel’s The Avengers was a blockbuster juggernaut and The Dark Knight Rises was a fitting end to Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy, but the sequel to 2007′s Ghost Rider made audiences wish they were in hell. Nicholas Cage’s overacting and a horrible plot line just could not save this Marvel franchise.

Metacritic Score: 32

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 17%

9) The Dictator

Worst of 2012 The Dictator

We get it, you love to personify stereotypes that Americans love to hate.

Sacha Baron Cohen’s Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan was pure comedy genius not just from the movie stand point, but the marketing as well. He never broke character even when interviewed by Matt Lauer of NBC’s Today Show or Conan O’Brien and his fellow late night hosts. Six years later Cohen is beating a dead horse as he plays Admiral General Aladeen of the fictitious Republic of Wadiya. Horrible jokes and generic performances by Cohen and Anna Faris make you wish this movie was as dead as Kim Jong-il.

Metacritic Score: 58

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 58%

8) Happy Feet 2

I really wanted to club these birds like a baby seal.

I really wanted to club these birds like a baby seal.

When the original Happy Feet hit theaters in 2006, audiences were gaga over penguins due to the success of March of the Penguins. The penguin characters of Surf’s Up and Madagascar dominated box offices. Happy Feet 2 was absolutely horrible. Adult jokes that kids didn’t get along with musical numbers that seemed to steal from the soundtrack of the latest Kidz Bop CD just made this movie unwatchable. What’s a shame is how much wasted talent was spent on animating thousands of on-screen penguins and weather effects. Remember kids, when things go horribly wrong and you are about to die, just dance your worries away.

Metacritic Score: 50

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 45%

7) The Three Stooges

Getting poked in the eyes would have been more enjoyable.

Getting poked in the eyes would have been more enjoyable.

Moe Howard, Larry Fine, and Curly Howard are rolling in their graves at this piece of trash from the Farrelly brothers. I personally loved Shawn Hayes as Larry and Will Sasso as Curly. I thought that did a great job in their homage to the originals. With that being said, the biggest sin this movie committed was with their abysmal script. On top of that, the end had a disclaimer to kids to not hit their little brothers and sisters with a hammer or saw blade. Really? Maybe I’m old school, but I didn’t need someone to tell me that when I was a kid. And for being a family friendly film, it was filled with Sofia Vergara’s cleavage and a nun in a sexy bikini. Of course as an adult, I’m not complaining, but these were examples I felt were inappropriate for a movie I took my kids to. Do us a favor Hollywood and leave our childhood favorites alone.

Metacritic Score: 56

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 52%

6) Project X

Is it just me, but does the fat kid look like he's taking a shit?

Is it just me, but does the fat kid look like he’s taking a shit?

We are not talking about the 1987 monkey movie starring Matthew Broderick. We are talking about the movie deemed by marketing as this generation’s Animal House. This predictable and uninspired comedy seemed to be a straight rip off of Superbad, Old School, and The Hangover in its attempt of being the ultimate party movie. Project X is to Cinema what LMFAO is to classical music: An abomination of drunk gimmicks.

Metacritic Score: 48

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 28%

5) Ice Age: Continental Drift

Like the dinosaurs, I wish these characters became extinct.

Like the dinosaurs, I wish these characters became extinct.

What started off as a fun buddy movie between a Mammoth, Sloth and Sabre-Toothed Tiger has turned into a horrible episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Manny now has to deal with a back talking teenager voiced by Nicki Minaj. With this fourth movie of the franchise, the filmmakers destroyed all of the original chemistry with the additions of forgettable characters. I was so bored to death with this film that I actually was fighting with myself to stay awake. Hollywood, unless you are going to create amazing sequels like Toy Story 3, quit dishing out crap just to sell Happy Meal toys.

Metacritic Score: 49

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 37%

4) Red Tails

Why the hell is Cuba Gooding Jr smiling? Doesn't he know he's starring in Red Tails?

Why the hell is Cuba Gooding Jr smiling? Doesn’t he know he’s starring in Red Tails?

This list wouldn’t be complete without this year’s favorite “white man’s burden” film, Red Tails. I think this film was the straw the broke George Lucas’s back. He was so fed up being critiqued, he sold Lucasfilm to Disney and retired. While the movies isn’t all horribly bad, it suffers from extremely talented actors given corny dialog and awful performances. The action scenes and CGI effects were pretty spectacular, but it’s like the sexy blonde at a dance club, it looks great on the outside, but lacks complete substance. Was Lucas really that jealous of Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor?

Metacritic Score: 46

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 39%

3) American Reunion

Jim has an unhealthy love for socks. Sorry Jason but you will forever be known as the "Pie Fucker."

Jim has an unhealthy love for socks. Sorry Jason but you will forever be known as the “Pie Fucker.”

Yet another sequel makes the list, but this is the worst one of them all. Trying to recapture the nostalgia from the 1999 original, American Pie, Jim and his buddies return for their 13th high school reunion. Really? Who the hell has a 13th high school reunion? If you didn’t see this film, then let me spoil a couple things: Jim still has sex with socks and Stifler is still a douche bag…  and he was the strongest character in the movie. Cameos and crappy jokes couldn’t save this movie. It should have just been another forgettable direct to Home Video release like The Naked Mile and The Book of Love.

Metacritic Score: 49

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 43%

2) One For The Money

Yes,  this was a penis joke.

Insert random penis joke here.

Katherine Heigl quit the successful television show Grey’s Anatomy in 2010 to pursue her movie career. What has followed are the disasters: Killers, Life As We Know It, and New Year’s Eve. This year is no exception with the release of One for the Money. This craptacular film goes above and beyond in being one of the lowest rated chick flicks that even chicks thought was bad. Personally I loved her in Knocked Up, but it looks like Miss Heigl just doesn’t know how to pick projects that cater to her talents. Who wants to take bets that her next film, The Big Wedding, makes our worst of 2013 list next year?

Metacritic Score: 22

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 2%

1) Alex Cross

"So when exactly will this movie air on TBS?"

“So when exactly will this movie air on TBS?”

The time has come to name my personal worst movie of the year for 2012. That honor goes to Alex Cross. Who told Tyler Perry that it would be a good idea to try to be an action star? Between mediocre acting, sub par dialog, ungodly shakey cam, and a plot filled with more holes than Swiss cheese, Alex Cross is a Saturday Night Live cop sketch that went on way too long. Mr. Perry do yourself a favor and just stick to dressing like an angry Amazonian grandma.

Metacritic Score: 30

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 12%

So there you have it. Did the shitty movies on your list make ours? What did we miss or were we right on? Tell us in the comments below what we either blatantly omitted or what we got right. We’d love to hear your thoughts. Here’s hoping 2013 is a lot better.

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Co-founder, Graphic Artist, Movie Reviewer, and official "Grey Bush" of Geekenstein. Love the films of Kevin Smith, Stanley Kubrick, and Quentin Tarantino. I love to Play Gears of War on Xbox 360 while my PS3 collects dust. I have an extensive knowledge of the most useless crap you'll never want to know about. Listen to our podcast where I ramble and swear a lot while talking about Honey Boo Boo and phallic symbols.

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  • Joe Marino

    Agree with all of them BUT “American Reunion.” I actually REALLY enjoyed that movie! Granted, I didn’t grow up with the others and I only just saw them all within a 6-month time span, but I enjoyed it the most of the series outside of the first film. It didn’t feel as stale as everything that came after.

  • http://twitter.com/shanepeltzer Shane Peltzer

    I also agree with all of them except American Reunion. I also really enjoyed that movie and I did see the others. I thought it was nice that they tried to recapture the magic of the first couple of movies and The Naked Mile is easily my favorite of the spin-off sequels. I do agree with your bit about Katherine Heigl though, leaving Grey’s was a terrible mistake or she just needs to pick better movies.

  • pablo

    i’m glad i didn’t watch any of these movies… but i do have to add what was my worst film of 2012 … and surprisingly so considering the cast…. This Means War… this movie was just horribly written, there is absolutely no chemistry in this love triangle and the action is so over the top is almost laughable… definitely stay away from this disaster of a film!

    • http://www.geekenstein.com/ Craig Kandiko

      that was definitely a runner up!

  • http://twitter.com/Xx334xX Terrence B.

    Project X was still enjoyable, just sayin :P

  • http://twitter.com/WilliamCheerboy William Hildebrand

    I don’t hate on movies at all… But holy crap was Alex Cross the worst movie I have ever seen.

    • http://www.geekenstein.com/ Craig Kandiko

      @twitter-27515512:disqus Want to know a back story, Alex Cross was filmed at the police building I work at. I met some of the cast and crew. I was really excited to see the movie, but then when I did, I was like: this was horrible.

  • Rex

    Happy Feet 2 was 2011

    • http://www.geekenstein.com/ Craig Kandiko

      GOD DAMMIT!, when I was looking for dates, I mixed up the Blu-ray/DVD launch of March of 2012 with the theatrical release. good catch, Rex. Well all I can say is that it is so bad, it’s bad enough for two years! LOL