This is NOT the Corgi Avatar Pet We Deserve

Pardon my Welsh, but what the fwcia is this cachi? That is NOT a corgi, dammit! That’s pure unadulterated anws blewog! Everyone knows that corgis are the cutest bundles of love in existence  They bring happiness to millions, crap rainbows, and cure any ailment with their tiny legs, big ears, and their sploots. Oh, lordy, their sploots! 

First things first.

This is a corgi:

Corgi in Swing .gif

This is not a corgi:

Xbox Live Corgi

These are corgis:

corgi tetherball .gif

And this is Satan’s Anus:

xbox live corgi

That… monstrosity is a part of the Dogs and Puppies avatar pack on Xbox Live. The thought of a corgi frolicking around my Xbox Live avatar is enough to give me a kawaii-overload. I mean, I bought a pony for my Xbox Live Avatar once. And it was a good pony! I’d gladly pay double for an adorable bundle of derp that actually looks like a corgi. This thing… wow. No. All of my no.

Okay, where to start? Oh, the butt boner. Corgis do not have lengthy tails. Well, most don’t. Most are adorable little nubs. If they do have a tail, they are usually poofy, fox-like, and proudly blowing in the wind. Not standing erect.

I love corgis

Now, the legs. Corgi’s have the most adorable, little nubs for legs. The avatar pet looks like it has bull hooves on the bottom of stilts! How do you mess up the tiny feet? Will giving the dog larger feet unleash the kraken? No, it would make it slightly less of an eye sore.

Corgi Sploot

And those ears! They hurt! Corgi’s have pointy Yoda-like ears. While they can flop, it’s unhealthy for the dog and any owner worth a damn has their ears taped up straight. Even when they do flop, they don’t look remotely close to the shape of those.

floppy eared corgi

Big thanks to fellow Corgi worshiper enthusiast Dale North of Destructoid.com for bringing this poor excuse of an Internet sweetheart to my attention and inciting a 1000 year rage inside of me.

CorgiScreen Shot 2013-03-08 at 11.29.22 PMCorgiCorgi
corgi

I… I can’t.