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Top 5 Reasons Why Your Parents Think Link is Named Zelda

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If you grew up in the golden age of gaming, chances are your parents have mispronounced a lot of video game titles and made references they thought related to your interests, when in fact they made cringe-worthy attempts at being hip that resulted in you spiraling into a world of sex, drugs, alcohol, video games, and self-loathing. It’s okay, you’re not alone. Regardless if they refer to every console as the latest “Nintendo” or not, one of the most common misconceptions is that Link, the Hero of Time, is named Zelda. You might get angry at their gaming knowledge incompetence, but have you ever thought for a second that you could to blame? Here’s five reasons why your parents think The Legend of Zelda is all about the princess.

There’s a Girl’s Name on the Cover

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When you see a game by the title of Barbie: Horse Adventures: Wild Horse Rescue, you know exactly what you’re going to get when you play it. You’re going to get a game about Barbie, horses, wild horses, someone or something that is going to get rescued, and one too many colons. See, titles don’t have to be complicated. It’s very common to have eponymous character listed in the title – and more often than not, it’s the protagonist.

You informally refer to the series as “Zelda”

Old People Playing Zelda

You wouldn’t expect an everyday person to know that the electron configuration of calcium is [Ar] 4s2, would you? Of course not, so why should you expect your parents to know the internal context of a video game when all you do is refer to it is “Zelda” in the first place? Games are commonly referred to by shorthand and this could lead to some people thinking “COD” is a fishing game or that “Zelda” is a game about a girl. Even if you call a game by its full title, it still doesn’t explain anything about the game, which leads me to the next entry.

You Didn’t Explain Why the Series is Called The Legend of Zelda

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Looking in from the outside, I can see why non-gamers would assume the series is about the adventures a girl named Zelda. Since every title in the series has started with The Legend of Zelda, one would presume the girl takes the center stage – when in reality Zelda’s “legend” has never been half as legendary as Link’s many quests. Maybe you should try talking to parents and informing them of these useful tidbits of information instead of giving them a half-hearted “you’re ruining my life!” and storming off to your room.

Link Really Does Look Like a Girl

Old People Playing Zelda

Childish, yet occasionally stern – Link’s face has always had a genderless anime quality to it. It could swing either way. However, when you add a short green skirt into the mix, all of his masculinity‎ is thrown out of the window. Yes, I know it’s technically a tunic and it is about as socially acceptable as a utilikilt, but it causes your parents see Link as a bi-curious boy in a skimpy skirt whom prancing around with fairies. Don’t forget his trademarked yell-scream when he attacks. Ain’t it just like a woman to shout and hit things all day? OH LAWDY, LINK’S A LADY!

They Honestly Don’t Give a Shit

Old People Playing Zelda

They are old and tired. They spent countless years wiping your ass, putting food on the table, and working to make sure there will be a roof over your head. If they take an interest in your hobbies, you should feel special. Expecting them to know the gender and name of a flamboyant elf cursed to a series with a female name in the title is just vacuous. Now go to your room.

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Like any good gentleman of the evening, Dustin has been around the Internet more than a few times. He's co-founder of Geekenstein Media, a regular co-host on the Nuts and Bolts podcast and co-stars in the Broke and Bored video series. He does a lot of co-things.
  • http://www.fatmovieguy.com/ Craig

    funny, sad, but true!