What if The Expendables had an Entire Female Cast?

Expendables all female cast

The muscles and bullets of the 80’s are invading theaters. This resurgence has resulted in success at the box office for Sylvester Stallone and the rest of his Expendables; but what if the cast was made up entirely of female action stars? Would audiences be just as excited as they were for their male counterparts? Rumor has it that a female version of The Expendables is in the works. Who would lead the cast? Who would be fan favorites from old school flick to modern blockbusters?

Here is a list of some very qualified women that not only can run with the big boys, but have the resumes to prove it.

Angelina Jolie

  • Resume: Tomb Raider series, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Wanted, Salt, Kung Fu Panda series
  • She would be the leader (Sylvester Stallone). Not only is one of the biggest sex symbols on the list, but she is as smart as she is deadly.

Sigourney Weaver

  • Resume: 4 Alien Movies, Avatar, Ghostbusters 1 & 2, Copycat, Galaxy Quest
  • She would be the CIA operative (Bruce Willis). You wouldn’t know if you could trust her as far as you could throw her. She can play a strong lead or comedic supporting role. Just wait for her to say, “Get away from her, you Bitch!”

Linda Hamilton

  • Resume: Three Terminator films, Beauty and the Beast, Chuck
  • She would be Jolie’s biggest competition (Arnold Schwarzenegger). Where she may not be a strong hand to hand combatant, she knows here way around guns. And speaking of guns, did you see her arms in Terminator 2?

Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor in Terminator 2: Judgement Day

Gina Carano

  • Resume: Haywire, MMA fighter, American Gladiators, Command & Conquer: Red Alert
  • She would be second in command (Jason Statham). This new comer to action films had a fantastic debut in the movie, Haywire. She is the ultimate femme fatale. She can run and gun with the big boys, or beat the shit out of them. She just needs to work on adding some personality to her characters.

Uma Thurman

  • Resume: Kill Bill parts 1 & 2, Batman & Robin, Gattaca, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, The Avengers (based off the Britsh TV series)
  • She’s the lone wolf of the group (Chuck Norris). She enjoys working on her own, but when needed, she helps the team out any way she can. Kill Bill really put Uma on the map as a bad ass bitch. She can fight with her fists, a knife or sword.

Milla Jovovich

  • Resume: The entire Resident Evil franchise, The Fifth Element, The Three Musketeers, Ultraviolet
  • She is the ultimate bad guy (Jean-Claude Van Damme) or bad girl, so to speak. With her role as a cunning double agent in last year’s The Three Musketeers, Milla proved she can play evil just as good as she does heroic.

Milla Jovovich as Alice in the Resident Evil franchise

Zhang Ziyi

  • Resume: Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Rush Hour 2, Hero, The House of Flying Daggers
  • She is the martial arts expert (Jet Li). She has been a fantastic export from China much in the same way Jet Li has been to American cinema. She knows stunt work and fantastic fight choreography. If she isn’t available, Lucy Liu would be my next choice.

Scarlett Johansson

  • Resume: Iron Man 2, Marvel’s The Avengers
  • She is the new girl on the team (Liam Hemsworth). Even though her resume contains two of comic book’s biggest blockbusters, she is still relatively new to the action genre. Where she was typecast in silly romantic comedies or indie flicks, her role of Black Widow proves she can kick ass and retain her sense of humor as well as her sexiness.

Michelle Rodriguez

  • Resume: 2 Resident Evil movies, S.W.A.T, Avatar, Machete, alive in 2 Fast and Furious movies , Battle: Los Angeles
  • She is the Latino pilot, driver, mechanic and explosives expert (Randy Couture). This may not be exactly what Randy played in The Expendables, but Michelle can take this supporting role and add so much more to it. With past roles in films like Avatar and Fast and Furious, she knows how to command any vehicle.

Michelle Rodriguez in Machete

Grace Jones

  • Resume: Conan the Destroyer, A View to a Kill, Beast Master, Shaka Zulu
  • She is the crazy, old school black girl (Terry Crews). Ok, so this is a long shot, but have you seen how crazy this lady is? She whooped Arnold’s ass in Conan the Destroyer! With her background in music, she could even be on the film’s soundtrack.

Brigitte Nielson

  • Red Sonja, Rocky IV, Beverly Hills Cop 2, Cobra
  • The drunk European chick that walks the thin line between good and bad (Dolph Lundgren). This girl knows how to play a drunk. Have you seen her with Flava Flav? But this girl can fight. She has a history with Stallone, Lundgren, and Schwarzenegger. Some may say she is too old, but do you know the ages of her male counter-parts?

Honorable Mentions

While we couldn’t name all the girls who have kicked their way into our hearts, we didn’t want to leave out some other fantastic ladies who kick ass and take names. Here is a list of girls who deserve some recognition.

  • Summer Glau: Firefly, Serenity, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, The Cape, Chuck
  • Rachel Nicols: GI Joe: Rise of Cobra, Alias, Criminal Minds, Conan the Barbarian, Alex Cross
  • Zoe Saldana: The Losers, Avatar, Star Trek, Colombiana
  • Chloe Grace Moretz: Kick-Ass 1 & 2, Hugo, Let Me In, Dark Shadows
  • Kate Beckinsale: The Underworld franchise, Total Recall, Contraband
  • Megan Fox: 2 Transformers movies, Jonah Hex
  • Lucy Liu: Charlie’s Angels, Kung Fu-Panda, Bill Bill Vol 1 & 2

Thanks to our Facebook community members: Emmanuel ArroyoBeth ReidKelsey Watkins, and Forrest Walthall III for their suggestions.

Who would you have in an all-female action film? Did we miss someone? Are we totally wrong?

Let us know in the comments below!